I'm up to no good is it?😔

It has to always be like this. Nothing went well at all. Sooner or later I'm going to die in my own negativity. No matter how hard I tried, it's still the same. How easy it is to be a good human being? When everything, and I mean everything I do, everything thing that I thought was the right thing to do seems to be the wrong thing. Somebody please tell me what's the best I could do? I mean seriously I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know what is the gist of so called I should think what is more important at the moment when I'm deciding. You tell me whether I should be selfish or care for other people feeling? Do I really have to always says no when deep down inside I don't really want to change my plan to allow others people plan to work?

Here's what's going the wrong way, when I think its fine to ruin myself rather than ruining other people feeling, I'll be considered as wrong by her, she say I have to care about her more. Yet when I'm there for her she doesn't even bother my existence. In the end, I ruin another people feeling as well as mine.

No matter what I do I just have to ruin someone feeling. Am I happy with that? No... So why I'm still exist? Because I still think I have to care for people who I think care for me. Even so, I still think I'm up for no good.

Song of The Day

The Reason by Hoobastank

A day at Perak

This year, somehow I decided to join a run at another state. On one fine day I saw my friend post a registration link for Utar Run 2016 on Facebook. It was held on 23rd October 2016 at Kampar, Perak.

I registered online for an early bird discount😂

So the day has come, on 23rd October. I have to set off as early as 2am. But it's worth it.

It's my contestant number😁 No 035

During the run, aiming for the finish line

And I got my 1st ever medal in my life from participating on a run. It's only for the 1st 150 runner who reach the finish line~

I've never been this happy in my life~

I've ended up in 7th place for my category~❤️

What now?

Things been happening lately.. Here we go again, Just like what I've always thought, whenever my mouth spoke, only sharp words are coming out.

Too late to regrets the outcome. Because of my mouth, because of the way I express myself and deal with my problem.. Because I've finally let it all out after all those endurance.

My sis doesn't want me as her sis anymore. She seems to be happier to live a life without me being part of it. This is it, where apologise were useless, and things isn't going the same way as before.

And yet again, I felt guilty for my action, and for once again I think that I do not deserve everything that I have now. I'm not supposed to be any part of this world. Because I'm useless.

I have always think it over again, regardsless that I'm a good for nothing for anyone, why am I still in this world?

Flashbacks kept playing in my mind, the day where everything went the wrong way. I just could not endure it any longer, I'm a jerk to get the wrong hint, where wrong words came out of my mouth as a results to an argument.

Yes, it looks really bad. Where everyone's looking. We argued, I've ended up crying. While kept continue to argue and increasing voice despite the fact that I'm out of breath because I'm crying for too long, I've started to feel dizzy. I can't even walk properly, and I can't stop crying.

Trust me, when I think things are getting better when I finally can stop my crying, it isn't getting better. I got a call from my sis saying that she no longer need a sis like me. She would be glad if we can be friend or best to never contact each other again.

Only god knows how I feel that time and I've started to cry again. Nobody know what would have happened if my mum isn't there to calm me down and sent me home. She calmed me down, saying everything is gonna be okay.

Don't wanna make her sad, I've said the biggest lie in my life, "I'm fine" while fake a smile so that mum will not be worry about me...

Driving lessons~

For the past 2 weeks, I was drag to Tesco parking lot by my boyfriend. Just because I paid for his fuel, he wants to teach me how to drive 'Auto' car.

He taught me the basic before I can start driving under his command. First it's about the safety when we get inside the car. "SMS", Seatbelt Mirror Sidemirror. Check handbrake, whether it's free gear(N). Start car, switch on carlight, right leg pressed on the brake, released handbrake, change to D gear, slowly release brake pedal to the fullest. Then I'm good to go.

When the car start to move, he assist and told me the exact timing to turn the steering, and the right number of steering turn based on different type of cars. He said that I have to figure it myself when I'm in a different car. He also taught me how to know whether the steering is straight.

He kept complimenting me along the way that I'm a fast learner and able to focus even when I'm sleepy. It's true, the moment when my hand land on the steering, I aware that I'm fully responsible if any thing happen to other's people car if I'm the driver, I will be 200% extra careful.

As I'm getting comfortable driving by myself with auto car, he decided to ask one of his friend with a manual car, and letting his friend to teach me things I should know when I drive manual car. I'm fully understand with his lessons, but when it comes to the real driving time, somehow I get nervous and do stupid mistakes that ended up have to restart the car.

Eventually, Kenn even taught me how to do front and reverse parking. I'm really looking forward to learn how to do side parking in the future. For these 2 weeks, I have even learned how to go up and down a hill and stop in the middle. Thank you dear because you taught me so many things that I've never know before.

Love you much much Kenn~

Finally, and it wasn't as bad as I think it would be

Last Sunday, finally, and I mean finally, I've said unwilling farewell to my phone "Samsung Galaxy Note 3". Around 1pm that day, I went to work with my sis scooter, all the way from Kenn's home to my workplace. I don't know why, I wasn't taking the usual road I've used to, and on this fateful day, on the bumpy road, my phone just kinda made a decision to jump off the road. And so it flew to the side of the road.

I was in absolute shock and made a stop at the side of the road, turn off the engine and ran back to check where could I have dropped it. It was way far behind the place where I stop, and surprisingly, even though my phone appear to be just a little cracked on the top left corner of the screen, I can't see a single graphic on the phone anymore. It was just black screen.

Only God knows how speechless and dumbfound I was right now. After that, without thinking, I decide to go to my workplace 1st anyway. It was still half an hour to go before my shift start. The 1st thing I do was call myself to check if my phone could still accept call, and it went to voice mail.

I can hear incoming messages, but can't read it. I've called my sis 1st to tell her that my phone is broken and she wont be able to reach me for a few days unless I have a spare phone. Then I gave a call to Kenn and told him exactly the same thing. Then I start my shift.

My mind was blank and I was just working and working and working, till I hear my colleague say: "psst, Teng, your boyfriend is here", I was like What??? He came all the way to my workplace just to make sure I'm not hurt and to know if I'm okay. He said: "I don't care if you're phone fell off the road, I just need to know that you're safe and not injured anywhere. I'm scared as hell when I get your call and pray hard that your phone just fell off and not you involved in an accident."

He even brought along a phone, lending me as a temporary phone before I manage to get a new phone. He said that I'm lucky because his mum have kept this phone all along and use another phone. And there goes, Because of his caring speech, the rest of my working hours were just being teased by my colleague. Thank you dear~

His Birthday Celebration

It's his 25th birthday on 15 July. It's our 1st year together, and he always been there for me regardless how tough the situation I'm in at the moment. Though he was so happy for the gift I've prepared, I still felt guilty to made it so simple. But being able to see his smile somehow relief my guiltiness by a little.

Well the actual celebration were held a day after his birthday. One of his friend in our group chat organised a BBQ party for 3 people at the same time. It's a very special day for my boyfriend Kenn, Ashley and Ferdinand.

I can never get enough of his smile lol.

This is when we 1st try on of the feature via Facebook. 'Go Live' by taking a video of any duration and get to share with people what we're doing at the moment.

Welcome July?

😂 a lot of things has been going on lately. The only thing I can do is to face it, even if I doesn't want to. For these 2 branch, altogether have 4 people resigned. We're really short on staff to work.

For these month, believe it or not, shall be the hardest month yet to conquer. The highest record for my overtime as long as I've been working, this shall be the highest so far. Just by looking at the schedule was a complete headache.

30+ hours overtime for a month were already a working hell. Well I guess it's a new challenge for me. This month, I have to work at least 42hours of overtime.

Thank you very much. Looking at the brighter side, actually it's good for me because I can save more money for myself. Though I wasn't really sure if I can stand it.

Dear Kenn

The greatest fear in me isn't what you always thought of.

I know I'm a scaredy cat, I'm scared of ghost, or ghostly things and all. I'm scared of flying roaches and dog.

Still it isn't as much as my greatest fear, of losing you.

Even if I have to went inside of a room filled with many fierce dogs, flying roaches or even scary ghost, even if I had someone pointing a knife at me demanding for my life to be end. If I had to overcome these things to prevent from losing you, I will.

What if...

What if one day all those conversation we used to have in phone disappear?

Thats the few things I can never let go of, one of the things that always cheered me up, made my day, always made me smile and laughing like an idiot.

Those messages in phone that I'll cherish till the last moment of my life. It shows the sign of our times together, our happy times together.

Though sometimes it's on the end of the cliff, where our relation tend to end anytime, we still made through it together and overcome many things.

As long as we believe in us, believe in our relationship, hold onto it and I believe forever was not an impossible task at all.

What if I had to leave your side forever?

Believe me, though I'm not being able to be by your side, my soul will never gone. I will watch you from the other side.

Its a lie if I told you that you can let go of a girl that you're madly in love with, someone you always care of, that suddenly leave you forever. You can't really get the exact same girl in the future, but there's always someone better, that are meant only for you.

And please, if there's one girl that were there for you this whole time, from when you're a nobody and till you become a great successful man, please cherish her forever and have her by your side. Never let go of this girl. You're one lucky guy to have her as your girl.

I don't know about my lifeline, I don't know how far our fate will lead us to. I do believe we share the same dreams all along. But dear Kenn, if my life tends to end earlier than you, I hope you'll find another girl that are meant to you.

Even if you found a girl, even so, I hope that you'll always keep our conversation, because it's a sign that a girl have once appear in your life before, and have be a part of your life, that made your life more interesting since the day 1 you guys know each other. Forgive me to be that selfish, but these are the only wish I have after I'm gone.

I wonder

Lately, I recalled me myself been operating like a broken phone. For this moment I feel not a slight bit of tired, a few minutes after, I found myself has been shut down just like a phone power being turned off😅

Somemore, my period cycle seems to be surprisingly extended. Usually, it tooks me 4-5days for each period to end. But now the number of days have grown twice. Means it tooks 8-10days for it to ends.

But what scared me wasn't this. Just sometimes my family told me I had been stop breathing for a short period for maybe 10 seconds or more. It wasn't the 1st time though, these things have been happening since I was young.

To be honest, I wonder what made it to be happening more often as days went pass by. Usually it would happen once in a while, and occur only once or twice on the same day. I guess maybe the stress have overpowered me?

Or maybe just I tire out my brain too much that its starting to malfunction?😂 Anyhow, my health isn't showing any sign of illness. Other than stop breathing and extended period cycle, I think I'm still fine😁

Reposted from a friend, for a very special friend.

Breathe. You’re going to be okay. This pain you feel is going to pass. Maybe not this moment or today or tomorrow, but sometime soon. The hurt will fade. Don’t give up before things get better. You may be wounded, but you aren’t broken.

Confusing

First of all, I'm not in the position to judge a dentist. Because I know nothing about it nor I know how they work😓 But hey, yesterday was really confusing for me.

Originally, Sis made an appointment with a dentist at 6.45pm. On 6.30pm, I fetch mum there. Well, I have to accompany her to consult the dentist as she's a scaredy cat by herself😅

As she's consulting the dentist, they have a casual chat. To be honest, I thought that was normal because somehow it could calm down a nervous patient I guess?😂

My mum wanted to remove the remaining of her broken tooth. But during the chat, the dentist however suggested that it's okay to made a dentures 1st.

Then mum ask the dentist, what about her broken tooth, doesn't it need to be removed 1st?😯 He say that it's fine. We can also decide to remove it at some cost. But I forgot the price.

Afterwards, he asked the nurse to make some mixture of "I don't know what is it called as"😂 it's yellow in colour and my mum says it tasted like chewing gum.

That thing can get the shape of my mum's teeth. After that, we went to pay for the consultation fees. And the dentures were estimated to be collected in 3days.

During our payment, there's another nurse asked whether if my mum have removed her broken tooth. Mum replied haven't. Then the nurse was in shock and replied: "That can't be. Youre making a denture without removing the broken tooth 1st. It might cause your wound to become an ulcer.

While the dentist we consult says it's fine, the nurse says it isn't😂 Furthermore, the nurse offered my mum to remove her broken tooth for free. Though my mum declined the offer because the dentist said we have to wait 3 months before my mum can wear her dentures again.

I can say having my mum without wearing her dentures is totally a nightmare to her..😂 3days was close enough to made her cry..😂

Overall, it wasn't that bad either.☺

1st time visiting a dentist

Actually I'm accompanying my mum as she had a broken tooth, theres some of its remaining of the tooth inside. Its quite scary though. 😅

It sure tooks a lot of courage to visit a dentist. I'm proud of my mum...

Birthday Celebration~

😂Yesterday, my fellow colleagues celebrated my birthday at Subway. Though it's a week early, but I'm so touched. It was the 1st time ever I celebrate my birthday on my workplace with colleagues. And I'm sure that this year it will be the most memorable year for me.

My Sister on the Newspaper

Today, my sis post on her Facebook where she appeared on the newspaper, about her being involved in giving out food for homeless people every Saturday.

................

I'm gonna disappear from everyone sight. Soon enough😤 dont ever involved me with your stuff again. And please deal with your own stuff properly, dont simply appear in front of me and saying "oh, I thought I already made it clear the other day". If you really made it clear the other day, there wont blur people who cant even remember a single word you've said to him.

Happy, yet not really...

I'm happy because grandma already discharged from hospital, though the Med expenses were quite an amount, it's fine really, as long as she's healthy.

The thing is, I'm not so happy because my sis should really stop thinking of me as a younger sister should accompany her at all time.

Remember that time when grandma in hospital, it's Sunday. After work I've already rushed there with help of my bf. Hearing uncle says about her condition are stable, and it's okay for me to join a family dinner at Dengkil, which I originally turn down when I know grandma in haspital.

We went there by 2cars, total of 9people. It's fine at 1st. When the dinner started for a while, I hgot a call from uncle, he said if there's a way to contact sister, because he can't reach her by phone. He asked if I can make it to the hospital since I'm quite far away. I did try to find any possible way.

I can't find any taxi on that area, dinner is going on and I can't really walk away. The dinner ended late at 10pm, it was way passed the visiting hour. I've reached home only after 11pm.

Still the next day, I called uncle to say sorry that I can't made my way there that day. And promised to visit grandma on the same day. Apology accepted.

Till the day grandma discharged, things keep happening. It's all because of money problem. Sis should just stop starting an argument about this.

Like seriously, I've earned quite an amount last month, decided to save 700 in bank. Yet we got a message from uncle regarding the med expenses for the 1st month were quite high, 950. I wants to forget my saving for this month and help uncle, but stopped by my sis, with the reasons that I already burdened by our insurance fees each month, she doesn't want me to took full responsibility of grandma med expenses.

Then she replied to uncle that we can only help 150 each person. Total of 300 from us. I'm thinking I can still save 550. Still you know what happened then? I was thinking I have to buy stuff I needed in Tesco.

So me and sis went to Tesco to buy my stuff. Well I didn't get the chance to buy my stuff, as my sis saw a huge promotion of spaghetti and sauces for her stall. Just only these 2items she bought in bulk, cost us 800++ in total.

Tell you what, she have only 300++ cash on hand, the rest she was going to pay by debit card. Her debit card have problem, can't be used on the machine, so I have to use my atm card to cover for the 500++ bill.

There are times when I'm spending with my bf, she keeps on over and over again, telling me that she dislike that now I'm rarely spend time with her anymore. She missed how we used to shop together for her stall, and how I used to always help her at her stall.

I only help her at stall when I'm free. I did not demand anything in return from her. Still she thinks that I'm her slave that I should help her whenever I'm free. I can't believe she forget to bring stuff to her stall everytime when my day off, when I'm resting. She really have to know, I don't have my own vehicle when she already used it when she opened this western stall.

My only way to get there is by walking. Still she's asking me to bring tons of stuff eventhough she knows that I'm walking. I'm stronger than her, but I'm still a girl. It's quite a distance from our house. Anything could have happened on my way to her stall.

I can't imagine, if one day my life had to come to an end, she'll be able to handle that. Can she really move on if I'm gone? She can't even stand it that I spent less time with her now.

She told me once that she can't stand to see me alone, and I've always stay at home without spending time with any friends. She introduced me to my now bf, we became friends at 1st.

She kept saying that she regrets this guy would have turn out to be my bf now.

It's tiring that we have to argue for the same thing over and over again. But I'm still glad that Kenn is understanding of this situation and never give up on me even when he have to went through hard times because of my problem.

Thanks to the love of my life. No matter what happens, I'll try my best to be there for you. Thanks for everything you do for me. You never demand anything from me.

You told me that last time you always gave up on me because of trust issues, now that I won't be keeping anymore secrets from you. Love you always❤

Test from God

Now I know, God sometimes might test us with our life. It's not always every chapter in our life were 'happy'. While I'm happy with my love life recently, I've got a call from my Uncle. I was told that grandmom were admitted to Sg. Buloh hospital...

I was lying if I say that I'm fine when I heard that... But I know it's another test from God, because God won't give us a test that cross our limit or abillity.

I hope that grandmom will recover soon as her condition now were critical.....

What I really wanted

I'm not seeking for wealth or appearance. Nor I'm seeking for a perfect man.

After all, if you choose to start a life chapter with someone, choose wisely. Don't use their weakpoint as an excuses for an argument.

Yup. I just wanted someone who I can become better with together.

Please never get bored of me nor play with my hearts lol. I'm not as strong as I look.

True

Just a random article based on a true story.

50 years ago, when he proposed to her,
he said to her: trust me

40 years ago, when she gave birth to their 1st child,
he said: sorry to have you went through this pain...

20 years ago, when their child gets married,
he said: you still have me...

Last year, when he knows that his wife condition has worsened,
he repeatedly says: I'm here with you...

Today, his wife has passed away...
Unable to hold back his tears, kissing her cheek for one last time
he said: wait for me in another world...

For his whole life, he has never said 'I love you' to his wife.. Even so, his love for her were never gone.

A true love is shown through action, not by words.
It is better to love her with all your heart content, and show her your love through your actions, than saying 'I love you' to her million times.

That feeling

That feeling you have when you have to move to somewhere else, but you don't wanna leave this place you're comfortable with. It's the 6th year living in Kepong, and never would have crossed my mind that I'm going to be move to a new place so soon.

To be honest, I don't really wanna left my job and everyone I know in Subway. Because it has been my daily task and they're a part of my daily life.

I don't even dare to hand out my resignation letter. And there are people that I wanted to but won't have a chance to meet.

Hey, I met someone that I kinda like, but I'm gonna back out like how I've used to. Because I know love in different cities were likely hard for me, just how I've been through the previous relationship.

I'm tired of saying it's part of my life to be moving from 1 place to another. I know that I'm dumb when it comes to recognizing a new place. And the worst part is that I have to say farewell to my friends.......

Haha 😂 This is totally stupid😒

While everyone have everything brand new for their Chinese New Year, I'm having the worst Chinese New Year as long as I've lived. Who do you think will have their New Year celebrated with broken watch, broken phone, broken glasses, old cheap worn out shoes?

This is stupid, I've worked so hard last month to be expecting a better me on this brand new year, not having worse me year after year.

Can't my life be more peaceful?😒 Like seriously, nothing I planned to do slowly actually worked. All those endurance isn't paid off.

I'm so pissed off that I won't be able to have my phone fixed, won't have money to color my hair the way I wanted. I can't even laid my hands on the things that I wanted to buy.😭

Why I have to always be the one who's that outdated?😓 While everyone get to shop for clothes and getting their nails and hair done, I'll always be the one who have never done all this for myself.

I felt that I'm useless right now. I've stopped myself from food obsession, stop myself from buying things that I wanted. I'd rather back to my old self and having no self-controlling over everything, cause I find myself in peace, better than now.

Seriously, I would looked really bad this year, the worst look I'll ever have would be this year. No I'm not gonna celebrate this year, I'd be more happy to stay home, stay away from everyone.

Totally

Somehow, it reminded me of someone and it hurts😞

Dumbest thing to do

It's raining outside, it's cool😂 but I'm having this cool snack

Finally😝

Finally finished watching this movie😂 It's time to sleep😂🔫

Ahahahahaha

Funny to know, this time I have a different version of him in my dream. And I get to see his picture and his mom and little sis picture too😂 And his name last name became Heng, last time he's Hendouman in my dream😂😂😂 ok bye.

Never had a dream come true

Listen to my cover of "Never Had a Dream Come True" via #Smule: http://www.smule.com/p/222220430_246595093 #SingKaraoke

Yup

She's just 6 years old when her father took her away from her grandmother, promising to have her daughter educated like all the other child her age would have. While in the reality, he was secretly living with his girlfriend.

It's nice right? Having a young and beautiful girlfriend for yourself. Leaving her to take care of your daughter, whilst putting up an act. When he's at work, his daughter being abused, locked in the house alone, starving, while the girlfriend were having fun outside with her friends.

Months later, he broke up with her girlfriend, and went back to find his mother. Telling her the truth that the daughter weren't educated, and have to sent her to a school immediately, before she's going to primary school in 3 months time.

Will it really be okay for her to graduate for only attending a month of kindergarten?

But I could tell you, this girl today, has changed alot. She's 21, she's all different from what she was once when she's a child. Though she did not manage to graduate her high school, she chooses her own path and did not regret it.

Though people looked down on her, she's fine, because she know she earn for her own living. She's living a simple life. She'll never went shopping like other girls would do. She'll never spent her time on wearing makeups. She doesn't even care her attire. She's comfortable being alone.

But there's a man, who have stole her heart. He's the one who have motivate her, and told her that she's strong. He gave her the strength when she fell hard, so that she'll be able to moved on.

Life could have been hard for you sometimes. But a past tense will always be a past tense. Never let it drag you down. We'll all have a great future, it's just different in time for everyone.

Kinda

Sometimes I do hope there's a person
who'll think of me when he says
' She's the one I wanted '
' She's the one I love now '

But I guess he'll never appear in my life.

That's it 😒

I'm tired of all this drama😒 Stop telling me lie after lie after lie. I've had enough. Enough that I know only 1 people in this world who would see others people mistakes whilst forget that he/she were partially involved. Yet dragging other people down and make people believe that it's only that 1 person were doing wrong. Like seriously?😪

Is it really that hard to be honest and apology?😔 It kills me even more because this 1 person is the 1 of them that I care the most.

Anyhow, goodbye😔👐

Maybe

Well, let's just hope it's true😊

My Bad Habits 😂

How I sit in my family car 😂🔫

That isn't bad enough. I can fell asleep in almost anyone car because of motion sickness. 😷 Especially if we're on a long trip or journey, I will sleep if possible.

Just change for better😪

To whom it may concern. As long as I've worked together with you, you've been a great help to me😊 but there are one thing though. Sometimes remaining silence and do the best you could is better than asking why always. Of course there are reasons why the amount we get is big in difference. You have the potential, don't afraid to show it. And the answers you've been looking for will eventually show up😊 Someday you'll understand why.😁